I was seeing a 38-year-old; she is in a long-term relationship, but her man wasn’t satisfying her, and we were hooking up three or four times a week.

We went on a three-day bicycle trip last summer, and I got her pregnant with twins. (She forgot her birth control.)

Her man knows the whole story and is willing to raise the babies and make me their godparent. I am glad he is willing to do that.

I am currently seeing a 34-year-old beautiful, sexy, divorced girl, and we just found out I got her pregnant.

I don’t know if I should offer to marry her, but I am thinking about it.

Your advice?

Tempting Trainer

Dear Trainer: For someone whose professional expertise concerns the human body, you don’t seem to respect the longer-term ramifications of your fertility.

At the ripe old age of 23, and over the course of just a few months, you are now the prospective biological father of (at least) three children.

It’s vital that you grasp the basics of birth control, as well as the legal, financial and emotional repercussions and responsibilities of fathering children.

You are obviously catnip for cougar kittens, and — given how cavalier you are about offering up your muscular DNA for procreating — you don’t seem mature enough to become a father or a husband.

If you or your current or future sexual partners don’t want to raise children, always use a condom. Always. In fact, you might want to double up.

Get tested for STDs, and urge your sexual partners to do the same.

In terms of you offering to marry your girlfriend, I’ll put it this way: If she were writing to me, I would advise her not to become matrimonially entangled with you.

It’s great that she is gorgeous and sexy, but you don’t mention loving — or even liking — her.

I’ve moved to a new state and am slowly making friends. I live alone in a studio apartment, work from home, and I’m struggling with feelings of loneliness.

I want to get a pet companion but I’m having a hard time deciding between a cat or a dog. I love both cats and dogs equally.

I think a dog will be the most helpful for me because I struggle with going outside and getting regular exercise.

I’m also introverted, so I’m hoping daily walks will help me meet new dog-loving friends. However, I’m not experienced and I’m very much a low-energy homebody.

I’m worried that having a cat will keep me in the same cycle of laziness as always.

I’m wondering if it is OK to get a dog in order to help me to become more active? What if it’s a complete failure and I still don’t change my habits? Is it best to just get a cat?

I don’t think I’d have the patience for a puppy, but a small adult dog might be good.

I’d appreciate your advice.

In Need of a Pet

Dear In Need: You already know the joy of having a cat companion, and so let’s talk about dogs.

Your reasons for wanting one (companionship, being forced to go outside) are legitimate, and are the same reasons many people choose dogs.

However, because you lack experience I would caution you to choose extremely carefully. Does your apartment building allow dogs? How easy would it be for you to take the dog outside three or four times a day, via stairs or an elevator?

Whether you go with a cat or a dog, I urge you to look for a small, quiet, calm older animal. Work closely with your local shelter and take lots of time to find the best fit for you.

My local shelter understands that adoptions do not always work out, and insists that any animal adopted from them can be returned to them, no questions asked.

Dear Amy: “Perplexed” wondered why her widowed friend continued to send holiday cards featuring photos of her with her husband, who has been deceased for several years.

No one who has lost a loving spouse would ever wonder about this choice. I appreciated that you suggested that these photos should be seen as a celebration, rather than as some morbid refusal to move on.

Wistful Widow

Dear Wistful: I’ve heard from many surviving spouses who agree.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

We have been married for 15 years.

He has done meth, weed and huffing, which devastated me. He begged me not to divorce him. I stuck by his side, and he seemed to improve.

Lately, however, he has displayed erratic behavior, control, anger, paranoia, sleeping issues, anxiety and ADHD tendencies.

He has installed cameras on the front and back of our house — and much more. He also is seeking a second part-time job for the weekends, so he doesn’t have to see me at all.

I really am beside myself with what to do.

I lately fear a bit for my life. I’m scared. I have brought up divorce two times and let’s say it didn’t go well. He continues to call me horrible, disrespectful and disgusting names.

He wouldn’t be where he is without me, financially and otherwise.

I feel disrespected and very hurt.

Does he need counseling?

Hopeless and Tired Wife

Dear Hopeless: It sounds as if your husband needs rehab. And you need to leave this relationship safely.

Most people understand that some drugs can make users paranoid. Some of those same drugs can actually cause psychosis. According to a study published by the National Institutes of Health, “The representative drugs that can cause psychosis are amphetamine, scopolamine, ketamine, phencyclidine (PCP), and LSD.”

Or your husband is abusive, controlling and increasingly paranoid without the use of drugs.

At the risk of alarming you, I must at least alert you to the need to strategize about how to leave this relationship safely. Change all of the passwords on your phone and computers. You can use a prepaid phone (or a friend’s) to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233), or check thehotline.org from a safe computer. A counselor can talk to you about developing a safety plan.

It’s vital for you to talk this through with supportive friends or family members.

I don’t think it’s necessarily wise for you to discuss this with your mother-in-law, however. She may sincerely love you, but she may also pressure you to stay in an unsafe situation for her son’s sake.

Dear Amy: My son got married seven months ago. It was their decision to have only immediate family attend (eight total guests).

They expected no gifts or acknowledgment from other family or friends.

I, however, have had a difficult time understanding why two of my three siblings have not wished them well with even a card.

They know the wedding took place and that it was a very small affair. And yet this was their nephew and godson.

I’ve thought about bringing this up to them, letting them know how much this hurt me. And yet to what gain, since an acknowledgment now would be forced?

I thought as time went on, I would get over it, and yet obviously I haven’t.

What’s your advice?

Mother of the Groom

Dear Mother: Your siblings might have congratulated the couple in person, via phone, or through a social media posting or message, or a holiday card. Are you certain that they have done none of these things?

Because this continues to weigh heavily on you, you should ask your siblings about it. Tell them, “I know the wedding was very small and private, but I hope you’ve taken the opportunity to congratulate them. I have to admit, this has been weighing on my mind.”

And after this prompting, you should absolutely let it go.

Dear Amy: “Without Family” told of marrying a Marine when she was a teenager, moving away, and having no contact with her family for many years.

As a woman who also married a Marine, I moved 3,000 miles away the day after my wedding.

This woman’s disengagement is beyond my comprehension. There are many ways to stay in touch.

I believe you did a great job responding, but for the sake of young people considering a life associated with the military, this is not the cost associated with a career devoted to serving one’s country.

We all have choices. Marines live by the motto Semper Fidelis — “always faithful.” This goes beyond the Marine Corps, especially for spouses.

Joyfully Retired and Still Connected

Dear Still Connected: Perfectly put. Thank you.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

I do not feel welcome in my own house.

Every week my wife asks me for my schedule (I am retired) for the coming week to make sure that I am out of the house for the better portion of several days.

Fortunately, I have elderly and disabled family members to care for, volunteer work and friends, so I can usually find a reason to be gone, but some days I just leave the house to make her happy.

For those days or parts of days when I am home, my wife wants me to agree to the specific time I will be leaving and returning.

My wife does not work, have family nearby, or volunteer.

Perhaps 50 times I have suggested that we should see a marriage therapist for this and other reasons, but she refuses.

My impression is that this is my wife needing to exercise control, but perhaps this is normal in marriage, and I am too sensitive.

How do I get her to join me in marriage counseling when she refuses to go?

I do not want to live the rest of my life like this.

Controlled Husband

Dear Controlled: I agree with you that this is an extreme example of control. It’s your house, too. You have the right to spend time there, whenever you want.

Retirement can be a very tough transition for couples, especially if one partner has spent their career taking care of house and home while the other leaves for work. When that balance changes, it can throw both of you off.

You don’t report asking your wife why, exactly, she wants you out of the house so much. She might respond that she is used to her privacy during the day, and she wants to bleach her mustache or dance to oldies in her bathrobe without you being there.

Or she might say that when you’re home you make little nests in every room and that she feels like she is always picking up after you.

I think it’s a good thing for couples to sit down and more or less map out their schedules for the week. But you should not leave the house most days just to make your wife happy.

Your wife cannot make you leave your own home if you don’t want to, and you cannot make her join you in marriage counseling if she refuses to go.

You should seek therapy on your own. Think of it this way: It will be another hour or so every week when you will be elsewhere.

Dear Amy: I have to admit that I actually enjoyed one aspect of the global pandemic: staying put over the holidays.

Now that travel and activities seem to be returning to pre-pandemic states, I’m wondering how to retain this one thing I enjoyed.

Homebody

Dear Homebody: Now that we have all had the somewhat unusual experience of staying home for two (or more) years’ worth of holidays, those that have enjoyed this experience should do their best to maintain it. Stay put!

Maybe we all need to do less for ourselves and our own families. Those of us who are privileged with abundance and want to stay put – it would be great to donate our own holiday travel to others who want (and need) it.

Dear Amy: I loved your answer to the quibbling about Santa Claus and qualms over telling children a fairy tale [“No Gaslight”].

I am an old man now and one of my fondest memories is from the Christmas Eve when I was 5.

We had just moved into a new house, and my mom was visiting her sick mother. There were boxes and confusion everywhere.

My dad had set up only one bed, and when he put me into it, he said, “I want you to listen for Santa’s footsteps on the roof.”

I fell asleep listening.

Seventy-five years later I can remember that so distinctly, as though it were yesterday. It is one of my fondest memories of my dad. I don’t resent the fiction one bit.

Santa Fan

Dear Fan: This is so sweet. I’m glad your father granted you this wonderful memory.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

They came to live with her and her husband over a year ago, because they did not have a good situation at their mother’s home.

At first, my daughter seemed to give them great structure and life skills. Now, they seem lost.

The entire house is a mess, and I spend most of my visiting time cleaning, which means I don’t visit very often.

On my last visit, the older girl did not shower for six days.  On the weekends, they stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning and sleep in until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I’m worried that these girls are not being mentored in basic life skills or adult skills needed to survive.

The girls want to visit me next summer. Frankly, I will not put up with this nonsense and have held off saying yes. How can I help?

Frustrated Grandma

Dear Frustrated: These teens behave as they do because they are being neglected. And now, because of their behavior, you are considering neglecting them, too.

Your ability to help in a concrete way may be limited, but it would be good for them to see an adult at least try.

Dear Amy: A dear friend has a husband who is an alcoholic. During any kind of get-together he is loud and belligerent and on occasion becomes incapacitated and has to be carried out.

Before my friend and her husband moved six hours away, our group of about 20 could tolerate him because they would get in the car (she would drive) and go home.

Now they visit frequently and expect to stay with us and for us to host gatherings.

My husband and I have reached the end of our patience and want to limit our contact with him, allowing them to stay one night instead of five.

My friend would be crushed to learn how we feel. Our relationship would be over. I would also be crushed to lose her as a friend.

I feel very guilty because I’m always having to come up with excuses and lies as to why our visits can’t be longer.

Her husband has ruined many of her past friendships due to his drinking and I don’t want our friendship to be another casualty. Can you think of a way for us to be honest and still retain this friendship?

Friendship Dilemma

Dear Dilemma: Your friend’s husband has an addiction disorder that, according to you, often has an extreme impact on him, and everyone in his circle.

You are all protecting his addiction and its consequences by pretending that it doesn’t exist.

If your friend wants to visit town frequently, it might be best for her to establish a relationship with a short-term rental where she and her husband can stay comfortably and have some privacy, and spend time with you and other friends without overstaying their welcome.

You could say to her, “I’m worried that staying with us seems to trigger Ray’s drinking. I know this is a really tough illness; I have to admit I really don’t know how to respond. We treasure your visits and want to make sure you continue to come. Can you plan to stay with us for one night and then if you want to stay in town longer, I can try to connect you with a nearby rental so you can have some privacy and we can continue to see you and do things together while you’re in town.”

If your attempt at honesty becomes a friendship deal-breaker for her, then she truly needs to connect with a “friends and family” support group (such as Al-anon) to fight the isolation that protecting her husband’s addiction is creating for her.

You should also consider not serving any alcohol in your home while they are with you.

Dear Amy: “Sweater Weather” does not want to crank up the heat when her parents visit in the winter. She prefers it cool and reports having sinus issues when the heat is higher.

She should absolutely have her furnace cleaned. When you crank it up, dust and particles blow in and can create allergy and sinus problems.

Been There

Dear Been There: Great advice. Thank you.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

I work from home; my office closed indefinitely during the pandemic.

My boss is hard on me when I need to care for a sick kid during the day and I ask if it’s OK to have them at home while I work or to make up my time in the evening.

I needed to step away from work six times last year, and I called in sick once. I made up all of my missed hours.

During my end-of-the-year review my boss told me that I needed to have more of a plan for when my kids get sick.

I understand the inconvenience, but I also have four weeks of vacation and three days of sick pay a year.

She talked down to me for a solid 10 minutes about my attendance “issues” but never thanked me for all of the weekends I worked so our department stays on track.

Am I being too sensitive? Should I look for a new job where the manager is more understanding?

Weary Worker

Dear Weary: Some at-home workers report being more productive when their schedules are flexible, and according to you, you are making up all of the time you may have missed due to your childcare responsibilities.

But should your boss thank you for making up the work you’ve been hired to do? I don’t think so.

You should not have to ask permission for your children to be home. They live there! If your company wanted to guarantee a child-free workplace, then perhaps they should expend the resources to reopen their offices.

Your boss might have been attempting to direct you toward setting new goals, but she cannot professionally retaliate based on your need to occasionally use paid time off to take care of a sick child.

The Center for WorkLife Law (worklifelaw.org) has prepared an extensive document outlining the post-pandemic statutes that protect workers from Family Responsibility Discrimination. According to their research, “At least 195 state and local jurisdictions have enacted laws outlawing discrimination against parents.”

Although this conversation really took you aback, it would be a good idea for you to follow up with an email outlining your productivity and noting that the fact that you work from home means that you pull lots of late nights and weekend work, and that your ability to do this means that your team is on track.

And, yes, you should look for another job with a company that values at-home workers’ productivity.

Dear Amy: My brother has spent his adult life in a foreign country.

When our parents were still alive, he brought his family to the U.S. every summer, and we usually saw them then. Even then he rarely answered emails or returned phone calls.

I send him a chatty email about every month, which he rarely answers.

His inattention reached an extreme when I wrote to let him know that I was having surgery. No response.

He hurt my feelings, but more importantly I don’t think I know how to maintain a relationship with my own brother.

Help!

 Lost

Dear Lost: The word “relationship” invokes the concept of an exchange. You don’t seem to have that with your brother.

It really does take at least two people to maintain a relationship, and based on your description I’d say that you’ve likely had warmer and more personal-seeming exchanges with the cable guy than with this sibling.

You have absolutely nothing to lose here, and so I suggest that you lay it all out. Email your brother and tell him how sad and hurt you feel. Tell him you’d like to have a better relationship with him, and ask him if he is willing to try.

Prepare yourself for the very real possibility that he does not want to try.

Dear Amy: You don’t seem to run many fan letters, but I want you to know how much I appreciate you.

You had a recent response that really moved me, when you wrote: “The best work I do is to amplify the beautiful wisdom of my readers.”

That brought tears to my eyes.

Appreciative

Dear Appreciative: Even though letters of complaint tend to get more traction, I really do appreciate the affirmation.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

My problem? My mother read in a pseudo-scientific (supermarket check-out lane) magazine that night shift workers are at risk for sudden death.

She constantly quizzes me on my work schedule, and then carries on when I confirm that I am (still) working the night shift.

I have explained to her that I love my job and that I am functional and happy with my schedule.

Is there anything I can do to convince my mother that I am not only safe but honestly blessed to be able to not only work this schedule, but also reap the extra pay?

Night Shift Woes

The daughter listens, responds to the well-worn topic one time (i.e., “I know how much that bothers you…”), and then bluntly says, “Let’s change the subject and talk about something else.”

Then she asks her mother a question on another topic.

Dear Amy: My husband and I own a small family business, but we don’t run the day-to-day operation.

We started the business with one of our sons, and he worked very hard for the first three or so years. But he started slacking off about three years ago, feeling as if he had “earned” the right to work when (and if) he wanted.

The last 18 months he has hardly worked at all. He has done nothing to help the company’s bottom line, even though we’ve struggled financially.

So, after consulting counselors and a lawyer through this ordeal, we have decided that we must let him go. He will receive his pay and benefits for six months.

I feel horrible that it has come to this, as he is also going through a messy divorce. He is obviously quite taken aback and is distant from us, even though I think he realizes that this is ultimately his own doing.

How do I reach out to him and stay connected and reassure him that we still love him and want a relationship?

There are also grandchildren involved, who need us and the stability we offer, in addition to our love and support.

My heart is torn and aching, but we had the other employees to consider and the viability of our company.

My hope is that we can get past this and find a way to maintain our family bond.

Distressed Mom

Dear Distressed: I can imagine that your son might not welcome an in-depth discussion about this decision, because revisiting it is to revisit his own failure. But I think you do need to talk about it — or at least convey that you are willing and available to talk about it.

I suggest that you start by affirming that you are aware that this is a tough time for him. Tell him that you hope he understands the professional choice you made, and say that you are willing to talk about it or answer any questions he might have.

Affirm your love and support and let him know that you are in his corner as he gets through this challenging time. Continue to reach out to him, even if his reaction is subdued. Invite and include your son and grandchildren in family events.

This particular episode might prove to be a wake-up call for him, but it could take time before he realizes it.

Dear Amy: “Stuck in the Middle” was a prospective bride who was torn about who should walk her down the aisle, because her father is an alcoholic and would likely drink on the day of her wedding.

When my husband and I were married, he and I walked down the aisle together.

My dad was an alcoholic and I would have bet money that he would be drinking.

Besides, as I told those who questioned me, I was not my father’s property to give away. That is a custom that should be done away with.

Yes, my dad drank the whole time. I’ve never regretted my decision.

No Regrets

Dear No Regrets: I completely agree with you about the concept of a father “giving his daughter away.” This is a convention that has thoroughly outlived its symbolic meaning.

You made the right choice regarding your own wedding. The very best way to look back on this important event is with “no regrets.”

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

I told him that this is cheating because he is married, and he lied to me about deleting these accounts.

He now hides his phone and keeps it locked at all times.

I say that this is cheating because he is having sexual conversations with other women.

Am I crazy? Is this not cheating?

Upset in GA

So, yes, I would call this “cheating,” but more important than what anyone calls this behavior, I wonder what either of you is prepared to do about it.

The more energy you waste arguing about how to classify your husband’s behavior, the less energy you will spend trying to repair — or release — this relationship.

Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for 48 years. In one sense, we are very much committed to each other. However, we have not had sex in more than 20 years and have been intimate only once or twice in that time.

I have on several occasions expressed a desire for affection and intimacy, but the interest doesn’t seem to be there.

We never had a great sex life, but affection and sex have completely disappeared over the course of our marriage, and it isn’t something that my wife wishes to discuss.

We can easily discuss any number of topics related to politics, education or the arts, but we are rarely able to have a conversation about our relationship.

At one time I proposed counseling, but it went nowhere because my wife had no desire to expose herself to a stranger.

I once asked for guidance in terms of being a better husband and she remarked that she wasn’t going to give me a “grocery list” of what I should do or how I should behave.

We enjoy doing things together — hiking, biking, going out to dinner, being with friends and family, going to concerts — but in the end our marriage isn’t very satisfying for me on a personal level.

I am 72 years old. How do I find contentment in my remaining years?

Looking for Love

Dear Looking: It sounds as if you already have contentment. Passion may be what you are lacking.

I am impressed by your extreme patience during your impressively long marriage.

According to you, you proposed counseling one time and were shot down.

You asked about being a “better husband” one time and were shot down.

You don’t seem to have been very persistent regarding your desire for affection and intimacy, or in terms of pursuing what you want (and deserve) to have in your marriage.

Intimacy can start with a conversation about intimacy. Or maybe even a fight about intimacy.

The very act of wading into that territory where your wife is afraid to go might expose some really tough realities for you both, and yet I hope you will be brave enough to pursue this with more vigor: Is she happy? Are you?

Do you want to risk leaving this marriage to try to find someone else? Do you want to risk staying in this marriage while trying to find someone else?

When you invite your partner into therapy and they decline, you should go by yourself, because the very act of wanting someone else to change means that you need to change, too.

It is not too late for either of you to change.

Dear Amy: “Happily Single” reported to you that she is a middle-aged woman who is child-free, single, not looking for a partner, happy with her life, and frustrated by frequent questions and comments regarding her single status.

She is definitely not alone.

I am a 54-year-old woman, never married and don’t have children, and I also get asked the same questions constantly.

Regardless of the rude question related to my marriage or child-free status, I usually respond, “I have cats; I’m good.”

It somehow stops the line of inquiry.

I do have two very loving cats and adore them!

Also Happily Single

Dear Also: Something about copping to being a “cat lady” suppresses intrusive questions.

I’d suggest using this line even if you didn’t have cats.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

Our group includes “Betty” and “Jane.” Betty’s daughter and Jane’s daughter attend the same high school. The girls used to be good friends but got crosswise with each other about a year ago. Then their mothers got involved.

The situation has escalated into an all-out war between the two families, with accusations and counteraccusations of bullying, and the involvement of the high school principal. Think “War of the Roses” intensity.

We friends are trying to stay neutral. We love both these women and their daughters, and we hate to see these hostilities destroying these two families.

Do you think there is anything we can do to de-escalate the situation?

Distressed Friends

Because you’ve written to me, you might try to draft a letter to send to both women (send the same letter to both).

Without taking sides or relitigating this conflict, you could speak from your heart regarding the impact this has had on your friendship. Recall a positive memory involving both from before this conflict started, and tell them how sad this has made you. End with, “I wish you would find a way to work this out.”

Dear Amy: I recently did DNA ancestry testing, hoping to locate relatives of my father, who died when I was very young. To my surprise I found out that I have a niece.

I have one brother, and he is a confirmed bachelor but apparently he fathered a child 40 years ago.

When I told him of these DNA results, he seemed surprised. He also indicated that he had no interest in meeting or pursuing a relationship with his daughter.

I asked if he would object if my son and I reached out to her. He requested that we not pursue a relationship.

As the months went by, I felt a longing to meet her. She was already following us on social media, so it seems that she might have already been aware of the relationship before I connected the DNA dots.

I have one son, and no nieces or nephews.

Against my brother’s wishes, I reached out to her, and my son and I met her for dinner. She seems to be a lovely young woman and we mutually want to pursue a family relationship.

I would love to introduce her to my mom, her grandmother, who is 95 years old. I really think she would love to know that she has a granddaughter.

Needless to say, my brother was disappointed that I did not respect his wishes and specifically requested that I not tell our mother.

I am just brokenhearted. I still plan on seeing my niece, but I just wish my brother would come around.

Any suggestions?

Anguished Aunt

Dear Anguished: You asked your brother for permission to contact your niece and he said no, but you went ahead and did so, anyway.

You’ve asked him about connecting your niece with her grandmother, and he has said no. I suggest that you do so, anyway.

Given that your brother didn’t know about his biological daughter’s existence and has since declared that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, I’d say that he doesn’t really have any claim on her or any authority to deny other family members access to her.

The only way your brother might come around is if you continue to acknowledge and maintain a relationship with this very nice woman as a family member. I suggest that you do so openly (not keeping this a secret from him), while not pressuring or forcing a relationship onto him that he is not ready to have.

Dear Amy: I guffawed when I saw a reference in your column to the parenting torture that is the game Candyland. (This was when you were responding to the question from “No Gaslight” about lying to children about Santa Claus.) My mother used to rig the cards to make the game as short as possible.

Paul

Dear Paul: I love this. A savvy game designer should release Candyland Revenge: Rigged Edition.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

Just after our second child was born, he kissed and groped a college student whom he’d hired for a small job. The student was appropriately angry and got a lawyer to threaten a civil case against him for sexual harassment.

To avoid this becoming public, he accepted the lawyer’s proposal of a $40,000 payment in exchange for her silence.

I felt horribly complicit in keeping this secret, but with a baby, a toddler and an upside-down mortgage, it was hard to imagine doing otherwise.

Our marriage survived, only to weather several years of his opioid addiction, which once again drained our life savings.

Recently I was shocked to learn that he’s a candidate for a prestigious appointment to the board of the alumni foundation of the college that his groping victim attended.

I feel like I should expose his past behavior to the foundation, but I’m second-guessing my motives.

I don’t want to deal with the hurt from a bad marriage by lashing out. I’d rather ignore him and move on.

On the other hand, the young woman on whom he forced unwanted contact is also an alumna. How would she feel seeing his face on the board?

I don’t have a record of her last name or the lawyer’s, much less a copy of the paperwork, so if I do report this history it may sound like gossip to them.

What’s the right thing to do here?

Unwilling Secret-Sharer

Dear Unwilling: You should seek legal advice regarding your options and the impact on all parties.

I am not a lawyer, but (to me) your ex-husband’s behavior sounds more like sexual assault than harassment. His choice to purchase his victim’s “silence” for a large sum means that she likely signed a non-disclosure agreement prohibiting her from disclosing or discussing the assault. I’m assuming that you did not sign an NDA.

Even if your ex has completely reformed, and understanding that he has paid his debt to his victim (but not society), he is quite literally returning to the scene of the crime in an exalted position, and I think this past behavior is germane.

Before being appointed, he might be asked to sign a document guaranteeing that he has not been the subject of a lawsuit involving the college. If he does so, and lies about it, he could face consequences that would be far worse than the college merely withdrawing this offer.

If you care about this institution, you might also consider that its reputation will be adversely affected if it appoints your ex and this settlement is later exposed.

I suggest you contact the college.

Dear Amy: I’m at an age when many people retire. Unfortunately, I’m not able to do that. All the same, I’m trying to plan ahead.

My financial adviser wants to include in the planning any possible inheritance I may get when my remaining parent dies.

I don’t feel I can ask my 90-year-old mother how much she’s leaving me! That’s just crass.

Do other people actually get this information in advance?

I understand why it would be helpful to have, but I don’t know how to handle this.

I’d appreciate your advice.

Nonplussed Daughter

Dear Nonplussed: Yes, some people receive very detailed information about their parents’ estates, and this can be very helpful.

If you are your mother’s only child, it would be a good idea for her to inform you about her plans, in at least general terms.

You could ask her, “Mom, do you have a will drawn up? Do you have an executor who has access to all the documents? My financial adviser has suggested that it would be a good idea for me to know at least the basics of your estate planning.”

Dear Amy: Your snarky response to “No Gaslight” about families lying to their children about the existence of Santa Claus made me mad.

I don’t mean to disrespect you, but I have to point out that your opinions aren’t valid because your opinions are just based on your personal beliefs.

Observer

Dear Observer: No disrespect taken. Because what you describe is actually the very definition of an opinion.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

The problem is that she calls her husband several times a day. They’re separated but not divorced. They were together for about 20 years.

She says it is about the kids (who are all grown).

We live together, and she tells almost everyone that we are roommates.

She has told a few people in her family that we are together, but she refuses to tell her husband because she still has stuff at the house and she’s afraid of him either breaking her stuff or not letting her have her possessions.

Am I wasting my time, or what?

What do you think I should do?

Worried

Dear Worried: Let’s assume that you are correct about everything you state: Your partner is still attached to her husband, afraid of change, lying about your relationship, and keeping her husband on the hook.

Given that all of this is true, after six years — is this what you want?

You are in a relationship with someone who is married, and will likely remain married. She is not willing to be in an honest and open relationship with you.

Imagine if a friend of yours described their own relationship in this way: “She’s married and still closely involved with her husband. She and I live together, but we’re on the down low, so we need to keep it a secret.”

Would you describe this as a healthy way to live? Would you want your friend to be in a relationship that seemed to have no future? I doubt it.

So, yes — you are wasting your time.

It’s time for you to be your own best friend, and to move forward with the authentic life you want to lead.

Dear Amy: My nephew recently reported that, no, he wouldn’t pick up his 77-year-old mother from the airport. He said it’s easier for her to get a taxi, Uber or Lyft.

To that remark, I say: “Easier for whom?”

Visiting your loved ones means packing, schlepping, going through security, plus crowds and possible delays, not to mention the expense.

So is it too much to expect that the person you’re going to visit might make the trek to the airport to pick you up?

Let me put it this way. After an arduous journey, seeing a familiar, loving face and then getting a big hug means your journey is over. Whew!

Climbing into even the nicest hired car means you’re still traveling — sitting in the back of a car, alone, on one more leg of your journey.

Nowadays it’s common to outsource everything. Let’s not outsource love and compassion.

Disappointed Aunt

Dear Aunt: Picking someone up (or taking them to) the airport is such a signal of intimacy that it has entered popular culture. From “When Harry Met Sally” to “Seinfeld,” the act of transporting a person to or from the airport shows that you care. A lot.

I’m reminded of those wonderful opening and closing scenes in the movie “Love Actually,” consisting of an extended montage of people greeting one another at an airport terminal and hugging their hearts out.

When I travel, I fly in and out of an airport serving a nearby Army base (hello, 10th Mountain Division!). You want a scene that will stop you in your tracks? Watch a servicemember returning home after a deployment.

I’m publishing your thoughtful letter as a public service to far-flung families everywhere.

Dude. Meet your mom at the airport! It’s a beautiful act of love.

Dear Amy: “Happily Single,” and many other people, keep wondering about how to respond to intrusive personal questions.

What usually works for me is a friendly, direct smile along with a change of subject and a non-intrusive question of my own.

For example, “Yeesh, this rain. I practically had to swim here. When is it supposed to let up?”

Nosy people get the message, no one’s feelings are hurt, everyone saves face, and the conversation moves along.

Nailed It

Dear Nailed It: While I suggested a technique of reframing the original question and tossing it back toward the person who asked it, I very much appreciate your suggestion, which is a version of, “Wow, how about them Cubs this year? I see they finally got a shortstop; you think they’ll turn it around next season?”

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.