I was seeing a 38-year-old; she is in a long-term relationship, but her man wasn’t satisfying her, and we were hooking up three or four times a week.

We went on a three-day bicycle trip last summer, and I got her pregnant with twins. (She forgot her birth control.)

Her man knows the whole story and is willing to raise the babies and make me their godparent. I am glad he is willing to do that.

I am currently seeing a 34-year-old beautiful, sexy, divorced girl, and we just found out I got her pregnant.

I don’t know if I should offer to marry her, but I am thinking about it.

Your advice?

Tempting Trainer

Dear Trainer: For someone whose professional expertise concerns the human body, you don’t seem to respect the longer-term ramifications of your fertility.

At the ripe old age of 23, and over the course of just a few months, you are now the prospective biological father of (at least) three children.

It’s vital that you grasp the basics of birth control, as well as the legal, financial and emotional repercussions and responsibilities of fathering children.

You are obviously catnip for cougar kittens, and — given how cavalier you are about offering up your muscular DNA for procreating — you don’t seem mature enough to become a father or a husband.

If you or your current or future sexual partners don’t want to raise children, always use a condom. Always. In fact, you might want to double up.

Get tested for STDs, and urge your sexual partners to do the same.

In terms of you offering to marry your girlfriend, I’ll put it this way: If she were writing to me, I would advise her not to become matrimonially entangled with you.

It’s great that she is gorgeous and sexy, but you don’t mention loving — or even liking — her.

I’ve moved to a new state and am slowly making friends. I live alone in a studio apartment, work from home, and I’m struggling with feelings of loneliness.

I want to get a pet companion but I’m having a hard time deciding between a cat or a dog. I love both cats and dogs equally.

I think a dog will be the most helpful for me because I struggle with going outside and getting regular exercise.

I’m also introverted, so I’m hoping daily walks will help me meet new dog-loving friends. However, I’m not experienced and I’m very much a low-energy homebody.

I’m worried that having a cat will keep me in the same cycle of laziness as always.

I’m wondering if it is OK to get a dog in order to help me to become more active? What if it’s a complete failure and I still don’t change my habits? Is it best to just get a cat?

I don’t think I’d have the patience for a puppy, but a small adult dog might be good.

I’d appreciate your advice.

In Need of a Pet

Dear In Need: You already know the joy of having a cat companion, and so let’s talk about dogs.

Your reasons for wanting one (companionship, being forced to go outside) are legitimate, and are the same reasons many people choose dogs.

However, because you lack experience I would caution you to choose extremely carefully. Does your apartment building allow dogs? How easy would it be for you to take the dog outside three or four times a day, via stairs or an elevator?

Whether you go with a cat or a dog, I urge you to look for a small, quiet, calm older animal. Work closely with your local shelter and take lots of time to find the best fit for you.

My local shelter understands that adoptions do not always work out, and insists that any animal adopted from them can be returned to them, no questions asked.

Dear Amy: “Perplexed” wondered why her widowed friend continued to send holiday cards featuring photos of her with her husband, who has been deceased for several years.

No one who has lost a loving spouse would ever wonder about this choice. I appreciated that you suggested that these photos should be seen as a celebration, rather than as some morbid refusal to move on.

Wistful Widow

Dear Wistful: I’ve heard from many surviving spouses who agree.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

We were hanging out with close friends, thank God, but he truly showed his behind. I am completely embarrassed. He was cursing his head off and interrupting people when they talked. At one point, he was trying to grope my friend. It was just out of control.

When I spoke to him about it the next day, he shrugged it off. He didn’t remember — which is not a surprise, given how drunk he was — so to him, it didn’t happen.

This is not the first time my husband has essentially blacked out and acted aggressive and rude. I need this to stop. What can I do?

Out of Control

DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: Bring it up again when your husband is sober. Have several examples of his drunken behavior to mention to him. Tell him that this is unacceptable and must stop.

It is likely that he will shrug it off, in which case you may want to record his behavior the next time he acts out. You can carefully capture his antics on your cellphone and show him later as evidence of your concerns.

Ultimately, you will need to decide if you can live with an out-of-control alcoholic who is unwilling to get help. If he refuses to change his behavior, what do you need to do to protect yourself?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a work friend who moved away for another job a couple of years ago. I have tried to stay in touch with her, but she has never responded.

It is weird to me because I thought we were close — not like best friends, but still close. We have known each other for a long time, and I thought we always had positive feelings for each other.

Recently, I got her new work email address and sent her a holiday note. It was very light and simple. I thought that might trigger at least a hello back. Nothing.

I can’t think of anything I may have said or done that could have offended her, but if I inadvertently did upset her, I would want to fix that. What else can I do?

Bewildered

DEAR BEWILDERED: Consider sending one more note to your friend expressing your concerns.

Start by saying that you trust that things are going well with her new life in her new city. Then tell her that you miss her and have been attempting to connect with her ever since she left. Ask her if you have done anything to offend her. If you have, apologize, but make it clear that you really are lost as to what occurred to create a chasm in your friendship.

Tell her you would appreciate her getting back to you to set your mind at ease. See what happens next. The ball will then be in her court.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

She came back before I finished checking out and proceeded to shame me in a loud voice for “cutting in line.” To my chagrin, another young matron, also with an overflowing cart and a toddler in tow, was bagging her items ahead of me and chimed in.

Caught in the crossfire, I was at a loss for words (and so was the cashier). I completed my transaction and left, but I wish I had had the presence of mind to explain that since she left, no, I did not cut in front of her.

I feel the rules of etiquette have been turned upside down. I think I did the right thing in not saying anything, as it would have made things worse. I felt terrible and spent the day depressed and wondering if this was a harbinger of things to come.

GENTLE READER: Oh, not again — another grocery line fight!

Leaving is the best solution to such public rudeness. But if you had to stay to retrieve your groceries, you could have said, “I didn’t know how long you would be away, and I didn’t want to hold up the line.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As someone with limited mobility, I must often take cabs. I once found myself in a taxi, for an hourlong ride, with a driver who read “alternative” news sites, believed in conspiracy theories and apparently wanted to talk about them.

I’m not sure how the conversation began, nor could I determine the best way to bring it to a close.

After approximately 15 minutes of this one-sided exchange, I blurted out, “Can we not talk about this? I find it very upsetting.” The driver apologized and the rest of the ride was uneventful.

I’d like to know if there is a gentler way to end these types of conversations — both for etiquette’s sake, and to avoid upsetting someone enough to be left on the side of the road.

GENTLE READER: Time was when taxi drivers’ political talk was considered a significant indication of public opinion. Reams about the state of the nation were written by pundits based on conversations during their transportation to the office.

How enlightening that was, Miss Manners cannot presume to say. But the toxic state of current political discourse makes the casual airing of opinions among strangers unappealing, if not dangerous.

Even stating why you find this upsetting could open a debate. All you need to say is, “I’m afraid I need some quiet time.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When meeting other people at a restaurant, often the host asks the first to arrive if they wish to be seated or to wait for the rest of the party to arrive. Is it proper to be seated ahead of the others? If so, is it proper to order drinks or appetizers while waiting?

GENTLE READER: Only if they are really late, and you greet them by saying, “I know you wouldn’t have wanted us to wait.”

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

At the time, Roger was married with three children. My husband and I were separated, and I had one son. The 15-year age gap between us didn’t matter to me. I admired him.

Roger was soft-spoken, intelligent and a gentleman. He was of Christian faith, so when he decided to divorce his wife, his partners held an intervention and bought out his equity in the company, which forced him to move out of state.

Roger was a great person and struggled with the thought of leaving his family. I understood, and we parted ways. I kept informed about him as much as possible over the years but never contacted him, and we lived in different states.

When he left, I was pregnant, but I didn’t tell him because so much was going on and I didn’t want the baby to be a tool. I had a son, reconciled with my husband and never told a soul. Eight years after that, my husband and I divorced.

I recently had several dreams about him and couldn’t stop thinking of him. They seemed so real. I looked Roger up online and found out he died a year ago.

I am devastated and feel guilty for not giving my son the opportunity to know his father.

Roger has other children. At this point, should I let them know or should I just leave everything alone? My biggest fear is causing pain to his wife. She is a good person and doesn’t deserve this.

HOLDING MANY SECRETS

DEAR HOLDING: What is to be gained by making an announcement at this late date? As you stated, it won’t provide your son the opportunity to know his father. And receiving shocking news at this point will only cause Roger’s widow pain.

However, I would do another internet search to see if you can find out what killed Roger. If it’s something that could be passed down to your son, warn him. Otherwise, I’m voting for leaving everything alone.

DEAR ABBY: Over the past two years, a friend I have felt very close to over the years has gone downhill. “Nancy” thinks her neighbors have placed listening devices in her apartment, have entered her place illegally and taken things, and are in general malevolent.

I have my own troubles and burdens in my life, and this change in her leaves me feeling frightened, powerless and overwhelmed.

I have stepped back, but a mutual friend tells me Nancy feels abandoned and betrayed by me. I’m afraid if I reach out, I’ll be sorry. But on the other hand, I never have said goodbye.

Nancy has a therapist now, and I lift her up in prayer a lot. What do you suggest I do, if anything?

FAILED FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIEND: Your prayers have been answered. Nancy is now in the care of a therapist and may improve.

If the only reason you would be contacting her is to say goodbye, I think it would be cruel. If you would like to check in from time to time, ask how she’s doing and offer some warmth and encouragement, then give her a call.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

The trip was a nightmare. Amtrak delayed our first train by seven hours. It failed to provide all the meals on our 26-hour trip. I had paid for a sleeper, but Amtrak seated us in the wrong section of the train. An employee yelled at me for “taking his seat” on a coach train where there were no assigned seats.

So I canceled our return trip and paid almost $1,000 for airfare to get home. The airfare wiped out my savings.

When I canceled our Amtrak return trip and explained why, a representative assured me that I’d receive a “full refund for my purchase.” That promise was six weeks ago, and now they’re saying I’m not eligible for a refund.

In my view, I purchased services that were never delivered (i.e., meals and bedroom accommodations for three days), and as a result of Amtrak not providing the services promised with my purchase, they forced me to spend money I don’t really have in order to transport my daughter and myself back home.

— Kimberli Eicher, Bend, Oregon

ANSWER: I’m sorry you had such a difficult trip to Oklahoma. Amtrak should have done better — no delays, putting you in the right section of the train and treating you with dignity.

None of these issues rises to the level of qualifying for a refund. Amtrak doesn’t provide refunds for late trains. It does refund part of your ticket for an involuntary downgrade. But it does not offer your money back because of rude employees.

But taken together, these complaints add up. You also furnished me with a detailed trip report that you sent to your bank when you disputed the charges for your train fare. You were not exaggerating when you called it a traumatic nightmare. I would have fought for a refund, too.

Technically, Amtrak was entitled to keep your money. After all, it had provided you with transportation from Oregon to Oklahoma. But a representative had already agreed to refund half your fare, so it’s reasonable to expect Amtrak to do what it promised. Instead, Amtrak reneged and insisted on keeping your money.

As I already mentioned, you filed a credit card dispute to recover your money after Amtrak told you it would not refund your ticket. You can file a chargeback for a service that you paid for but did not receive, so I think you had a case. You contacted me before the dispute was resolved, asking me to intervene.

I think you may have missed a step. When a company says “no,” you can always appeal to an executive. I list the names, numbers and email addresses of the Amtrak executives on my consumer advocacy site at www.elliott.org/company-contacts/amtrak/. I would have tried that before disputing your charges.

I reached out to Amtrak for you. A representative reviewed your file and agreed that your trip did not go as it should have. Amtrak refunded your ticket and offered you a credit for a make-good trip — just in case you want to try Amtrak again.

Christopher Elliott is the founder of Elliott Advocacy (elliottadvocacy.org), a nonprofit organization that helps consumers solve their problems. Email him at chris@elliott.org or get help by contacting him at elliottadvocacy.org/help/.(c) 2023 Christopher ElliottDistributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

We have been married for 15 years.

He has done meth, weed and huffing, which devastated me. He begged me not to divorce him. I stuck by his side, and he seemed to improve.

Lately, however, he has displayed erratic behavior, control, anger, paranoia, sleeping issues, anxiety and ADHD tendencies.

He has installed cameras on the front and back of our house — and much more. He also is seeking a second part-time job for the weekends, so he doesn’t have to see me at all.

I really am beside myself with what to do.

I lately fear a bit for my life. I’m scared. I have brought up divorce two times and let’s say it didn’t go well. He continues to call me horrible, disrespectful and disgusting names.

He wouldn’t be where he is without me, financially and otherwise.

I feel disrespected and very hurt.

Does he need counseling?

Hopeless and Tired Wife

Dear Hopeless: It sounds as if your husband needs rehab. And you need to leave this relationship safely.

Most people understand that some drugs can make users paranoid. Some of those same drugs can actually cause psychosis. According to a study published by the National Institutes of Health, “The representative drugs that can cause psychosis are amphetamine, scopolamine, ketamine, phencyclidine (PCP), and LSD.”

Or your husband is abusive, controlling and increasingly paranoid without the use of drugs.

At the risk of alarming you, I must at least alert you to the need to strategize about how to leave this relationship safely. Change all of the passwords on your phone and computers. You can use a prepaid phone (or a friend’s) to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233), or check thehotline.org from a safe computer. A counselor can talk to you about developing a safety plan.

It’s vital for you to talk this through with supportive friends or family members.

I don’t think it’s necessarily wise for you to discuss this with your mother-in-law, however. She may sincerely love you, but she may also pressure you to stay in an unsafe situation for her son’s sake.

Dear Amy: My son got married seven months ago. It was their decision to have only immediate family attend (eight total guests).

They expected no gifts or acknowledgment from other family or friends.

I, however, have had a difficult time understanding why two of my three siblings have not wished them well with even a card.

They know the wedding took place and that it was a very small affair. And yet this was their nephew and godson.

I’ve thought about bringing this up to them, letting them know how much this hurt me. And yet to what gain, since an acknowledgment now would be forced?

I thought as time went on, I would get over it, and yet obviously I haven’t.

What’s your advice?

Mother of the Groom

Dear Mother: Your siblings might have congratulated the couple in person, via phone, or through a social media posting or message, or a holiday card. Are you certain that they have done none of these things?

Because this continues to weigh heavily on you, you should ask your siblings about it. Tell them, “I know the wedding was very small and private, but I hope you’ve taken the opportunity to congratulate them. I have to admit, this has been weighing on my mind.”

And after this prompting, you should absolutely let it go.

Dear Amy: “Without Family” told of marrying a Marine when she was a teenager, moving away, and having no contact with her family for many years.

As a woman who also married a Marine, I moved 3,000 miles away the day after my wedding.

This woman’s disengagement is beyond my comprehension. There are many ways to stay in touch.

I believe you did a great job responding, but for the sake of young people considering a life associated with the military, this is not the cost associated with a career devoted to serving one’s country.

We all have choices. Marines live by the motto Semper Fidelis — “always faithful.” This goes beyond the Marine Corps, especially for spouses.

Joyfully Retired and Still Connected

Dear Still Connected: Perfectly put. Thank you.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

I was really hurt that my best friend didn’t visit me in the hospital. It was like they completely ignored what had happened, which is so unlike them.

I thought that out of all people, they would be there for me and show their support. But it seems like I was wrong, and now I’m feeling betrayed and alone.

It’s been difficult to get over this disappointment and figure out why it happened in the first place. Is there any advice you can give on how to make sense of the situation?

Car Wreck

DEAR CAR WRECK: Some people freeze in the face of tragedy and do not know how to move forward. There is a chance that this is true for your best friend. It doesn’t excuse them, but it could be an explanation.

Describe how frightening the experience was and how sad you where that they weren’t there to support you. Listen calmly to discover what happened.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed a pattern with my niece that I do not like. I buy Christmas presents for her every year and ship them because she and her family live out of town. I know she gets the things I send because her mother tells me, but she never reaches out to say thank you.

Obviously, I do not buy the gifts to receive her gratitude, but for her to say absolutely nothing is just unconscionable to me. This year I sent an array of items from my travels and other things that I thought she would appreciate. In return: crickets.

Should I say something or just stop sending her things? This has been going on for several years now. By the way, my niece is almost 30 years old.

Ungrateful

DEAR UNGRATEFUL: The person in question is an adult who has bad manners. You have no obligation to continue to give an adult any gifts, especially if she doesn’t acknowledge them. If you want, you can contact her and ask her if she liked her presents. If she responds, you can tell her it would have been nice for her to have told you.

You can also reach out to her directly and check in with her; see how she’s doing and what’s going on in her life. Then tell her the truth — you are disappointed that she has not chosen to acknowledge that you sent her gifts for the holidays. Tell her it is rude and hurts your feelings.

Your third option is to stop giving her gifts and say nothing. She may inquire directly or through her mother as to why. Then you have an opening. Or she may say nothing, and that tradition will have ended.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

It’s especially frustrating and offensive in what should be religion-free places of business, such as the doctor’s office or a public agency.

While we don’t want to be rude, and we know some people may not even understand why it is offensive and genuinely think they are being nice, we also don’t want the obvious proselytizing and forced religious exchange to go unchecked.

It’s tempting to respond with “Under his eye” or to explain that it’s offensive, but that would mean revealing private information about our personal religious status. And when you reveal you aren’t religious to someone who is, you risk being treated badly.

Instead, we almost always end up gritting our teeth and replying “You, too” or “Have a nice day” and letting it go. But it wears on us and makes us feel unwelcome and discriminated against. And it’s becoming more and more prevalent.

GENTLE READER: Although you and your friends are religion-free, language is not. Even “goodbye” derives from “God be with ye.” People who bless you when you sneeze would be puzzled to be accused of forcing their religion on you.

As you are against bringing religion into public discourse, Miss Manners wonders why you are even tempted to open such discussions. Explaining your position is surely an opening for others to explain theirs. She suggests that you continue to tolerate conventional cliches and stop taking them personally.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently searched for the address of an instructor from my college years, which were about 35 years ago, so I could thank her again for helping me learn and grow. I was shocked to learn that she had died in 2010 (she wasn’t that old — 67).

I began drafting a condolence letter to her husband, whom I never knew, but a close friend has gently suggested that I ought not to send it. She suggested that I should deal privately with my grief; that my grief about this loss is perhaps amplified by some other, more recent losses in my life; that sending a condolence letter to someone so long after the fact might be gauche; and that the widower, who was roughly my instructor’s contemporary, might be dealing with the challenges that can come with old age and therefore might not welcome this reminder of his absent wife.

On the one hand, I would want to know — even 12 years later — that my late parent or partner had touched someone’s life. On the other, my friend has made some valid points.

GENTLE READER: No, she hasn’t.

Only people who have never lost someone dear to them could believe that the bereaved don’t want to be reminded that such a person ever existed. Why your close friend wants to talk you out of offering a source of comfort to an elderly widower, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

It would be fine if they were sent to our home, but sending them to my workplace makes it seem like he wants to send a message. It feels controlling somehow. I feel like a spectacle and uncomfortable. I don’t want to say anything to him and hurt his feelings when he’s trying to be nice, but I just want it to stop.

He thinks my late husband gave me flowers all the time because when we moved, I had 30 vases or more. But most of them were from bouquets I received after his death. Plus, when my late husband gave me flowers, it was usually after he did something hurtful. So yes, I do have a negative connotation about flowers.

But still, saying something to him about stopping makes me as queasy as actually getting the flowers. Please help.

OVER-BLOSSOMED IN THE WEST

Tell him everything you have written to me. He needs to know why you feel the way you do about receiving flowers, and also that sending them to your workplace is distracting and feels intrusive.

If he feels he must give you a public demonstration of his adoration, he should make it a nice box of candy that everyone can enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my child was sexually abused by a relative. After I found out, I reported it, which made the abuser’s family very upset. Charges were filed, and there were court dates, probation and counseling.

To date, everything the judge required of the abuser has been legally fulfilled. While I’m glad everything was completed, I’m still not comfortable having him around my children.

The extended family wants to have large gatherings like were held in the past, and they are so happy we can all be together again. Is it bad that I still don’t want my child and other children around the abuser? Is it bad I don’t want my child to have to spend every major holiday and celebration with their abuser in the same space?

It bothers me that everyone is celebrating the return of this pedophile and disregarding my child’s feelings as if nothing ever happened. Am I wrong to feel this way? What’s the best way to handle this?

SHELL-SHOCKED MOTHER IN COLORADO

DEAR SHELL-SHOCKED: You are not wrong. You are a loving, caring, vigilant and protective mother. The best way to handle this would be to forgo family gatherings at which the abuser will be present. A victim of sexual abuse should not be required to ever be in that person’s presence again.

DEAR READERS: In the words of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who in 1968 was martyred in the cause of civil rights, and whose birthday we remember today: “We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

I do not feel welcome in my own house.

Every week my wife asks me for my schedule (I am retired) for the coming week to make sure that I am out of the house for the better portion of several days.

Fortunately, I have elderly and disabled family members to care for, volunteer work and friends, so I can usually find a reason to be gone, but some days I just leave the house to make her happy.

For those days or parts of days when I am home, my wife wants me to agree to the specific time I will be leaving and returning.

My wife does not work, have family nearby, or volunteer.

Perhaps 50 times I have suggested that we should see a marriage therapist for this and other reasons, but she refuses.

My impression is that this is my wife needing to exercise control, but perhaps this is normal in marriage, and I am too sensitive.

How do I get her to join me in marriage counseling when she refuses to go?

I do not want to live the rest of my life like this.

Controlled Husband

Dear Controlled: I agree with you that this is an extreme example of control. It’s your house, too. You have the right to spend time there, whenever you want.

Retirement can be a very tough transition for couples, especially if one partner has spent their career taking care of house and home while the other leaves for work. When that balance changes, it can throw both of you off.

You don’t report asking your wife why, exactly, she wants you out of the house so much. She might respond that she is used to her privacy during the day, and she wants to bleach her mustache or dance to oldies in her bathrobe without you being there.

Or she might say that when you’re home you make little nests in every room and that she feels like she is always picking up after you.

I think it’s a good thing for couples to sit down and more or less map out their schedules for the week. But you should not leave the house most days just to make your wife happy.

Your wife cannot make you leave your own home if you don’t want to, and you cannot make her join you in marriage counseling if she refuses to go.

You should seek therapy on your own. Think of it this way: It will be another hour or so every week when you will be elsewhere.

Dear Amy: I have to admit that I actually enjoyed one aspect of the global pandemic: staying put over the holidays.

Now that travel and activities seem to be returning to pre-pandemic states, I’m wondering how to retain this one thing I enjoyed.

Homebody

Dear Homebody: Now that we have all had the somewhat unusual experience of staying home for two (or more) years’ worth of holidays, those that have enjoyed this experience should do their best to maintain it. Stay put!

Maybe we all need to do less for ourselves and our own families. Those of us who are privileged with abundance and want to stay put – it would be great to donate our own holiday travel to others who want (and need) it.

Dear Amy: I loved your answer to the quibbling about Santa Claus and qualms over telling children a fairy tale [“No Gaslight”].

I am an old man now and one of my fondest memories is from the Christmas Eve when I was 5.

We had just moved into a new house, and my mom was visiting her sick mother. There were boxes and confusion everywhere.

My dad had set up only one bed, and when he put me into it, he said, “I want you to listen for Santa’s footsteps on the roof.”

I fell asleep listening.

Seventy-five years later I can remember that so distinctly, as though it were yesterday. It is one of my fondest memories of my dad. I don’t resent the fiction one bit.

Santa Fan

Dear Fan: This is so sweet. I’m glad your father granted you this wonderful memory.

You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.